You love each other. You just want a tune up because it seems as if the life has taken over and you want to find each other again.
Either of you need to separate emotionally from your family of origin. Then you need to redefine what your relationship with parents will be now that you are a married couple.
You want to build intimacy while at the same time supporting each other’s autonomy. These issues show up over and over again in a marriage and yet particularly at the beginning, at midlife and at retirement.
You want to prepare as new parents for the arrival of a little one. You want to baby-proof your marriage during this exciting new stage.
You want to re-negotiate your relationship at any point in your journey together.
You want to balance the demands of children, work and home in a new way.
You want to support your spouse by becoming an effective stepparent.
You want to maintain a passionate, romantic relationship even when facing difficult challenges of life.
Your children have become adolescents and you are facing midlife issues.
Together you are attempting to raise your family while dealing with the issues of aging parents.
After your children leave home you may want to recreate your relationship.
If you are facing issues of retirement and have to negotiate a new path.
If you are facing health issues and the other inevitable crises of life and want to maintaining a strong bond with each other.
You want to avoid boredom by broadening your interests together and by developing new relationships together.
You want to establish a rich and satisfying sexual relationship that brings both of you pleasure at any stage in your journey.
You want to sharpen your ability to express differences, be angry and to deal with conflict without injuring the relationship.
You want to explore each other’s spiritual journey. When we get stuck in any of the tasks mentioned above often devastating things start to happen to a couple.
Thoughtfulness seems to morph into self-centeredness.
Passivity replaces activity.
The two of you keep getting stuck in repetitive patterns.
When you raise a question or express a thought either you are ignored, dismissed, or your partner becomes enraged.
There is a tangible tension between the two of you.
Many of your attempts at conversation seem to cause defensiveness, criticism or blame.
You don’t feel either heard or understood.
When you attempt to speak your truth you often attack your mate or find yourself attacked.
You have tried everything that you can think of to add some sparkle to your relationship only to be rebuffed.
You spend more time on your phones texting or on FB or Instagram than you do talking with each other.
You have expressed a need and your partner doesn’t seem to care.
One or both of you rarely initiates conversations or affectionate advances.
Past failures are rehearsed over and over.
Gratitude and affirmation are withheld.
Physical intimacy and affection seems to be a distant memory.
Your partner aligns with his/her children/ parents/ and /or friends more than with you. You feel like you are on the outside.
When you are in each other’s vicinity, eye contact is not made.
You and/or your partner struggle with an addiction.
It seems like a long time since you have laughed together.
Your child is twelve years old and you have never had a date together.
You are in a constant battle over who is right and who is wrong.
You disagree about how to parent your children and or stepchildren.
You are more competitive than co-operative.
You find yourself being undermined in public by your spouse.
You have no idea about your financial situation and when you want to understand have been shut out.
You or your partner, spend most of your together time on line away from each other.
Boundary violations have occurred on one or both of your parts.
Your partner has had an affair and refuses to discuss it.
You find yourself blamed for things that you are not responsible for.
One or both of you will not admit when you are wrong.
Secrecy seems to permeate your relationship.
Communication has been reduced to verbal abuse.
There has been at least one incident of physical abuse.
Your children, family and friends are expressing concern.
You find yourself feeling lonely, stuck, hopeless, confused, fearful, and rejected. You can’t shake the sense of doom, gloom or despair.