Pause And Be Refreshed

The PAUSE That Refreshes

When you anticipated marriage, did you fantasize about all the time you were going to share with your special someone? Has that dream turned into a nightmare?

You are not alone.

Even the one place you have the possibility of being alone, your bed, now has a little intruder waiting to be fed every few hours.

It is so easy to miss each other in the world of mortgage payments, car payments, other financial responsibilities, job requirements, children’s schedules, homework, extended family concerns, and church commitments.

We can be so incredibly busy that when we finally get together we drop into bed feeling too exhausted to connect. Life feels overwhelming. We question whether it will ever change.

It won’t change unless we change.

We have to get intentional about connecting in the midst of life’s demands. We have to make it a priority. We have to do something different.

A few years ago Janet and I developed a simple tool to assist and guide couples in being strategic and intentional about connecting with each other. We called it, “The PAUSE That Refreshes”. We used the word PAUSE as an acrostic to direct a couple’s conversation so that they can discuss something other than bills, children, and the next task that needs to be done. It opens up a portion of your mate’s emotional world to you without you feeling as if you are begging for it. It doesn’t require a huge time commitment.

Are you open to a little refreshment?

Set aside five minutes and take turns sharing around the following five themes…

P POSITIVE Share a POSITIVE encounter that you had today (It can be anything positive that you encountered with people, with ideas, or experiences.)

A APPRECIATE One thing I APPRECIATE about you today is… (We all benefit from being affirmed on little things as well as big things. Be specific!)

U UNCERTAIN Something I am UNCERTAIN about is… (This is something I want to ask about, am unclear about, or am really worried about.)

S SILLY Either something that added SILLINESS to my day was… (A good joke, something unusual, an unexpected encounter can add fun to our day. Humor renews.)


SAD or something that made me SAD today was… (This is not the time to share sadness about each other or your marriage)

E ENERGIZE One thing that would ENERGIZE me is… (We all need a revitalizing shot. What is it you need personally to keep you energized at this time?)

This is our gift to you. Try it! A meaningful interaction with your spouse can result in increased energy. It can make you feel that you matter in the midst of seemingly unending responsibilities, clutter, chaos, and chatter. It is priceless to get a brief glimpse into your mate’s inner world even while you both are in the midst of multiple other worlds.

Make it a habit to take a necessary “PAUSE.

It’s our hope that this will leave you feeling more connected.

Until our next Conscious Lover’s Blog…

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