The Upside and Downside of a Lifetime Commitment: Part 1!

pros and cons of committment


Would you agree that one of the most important decisions you will make in your life is the choice of whom you will marry?

Many in this generation are hesitant to commit to another person for a lifetime. In fact they question if loving someone for a lifetime is even possible.

Commitment and what it means, needs to be taken seriously. As a marriage counselor I want my clients to wrestle with the concept of loving one another for a lifetime, not just loving one another until it gets difficult.

hand holdingSome of my clients who are Christ followers have a different perspective about commitment. They see commitment as a spiritual discipline. It is a love decision based on a belief, trust, and willingness to answer to “Someone larger than themselves”.

Commitment is based on obedience, not just emotional fulfillment.

Whether couples refer to themselves as Christ followers or not, each couple has to count the cost before they make the leap?

 Intelligent people will ask the hard questions and seriously weigh both the upside and downside of commitment for a lifetime. That contrast will be the focus of this blog and next week’s blog.

The Two Sides of Commitment

Downside:  The world will no longer only rotate around my needs, and my desires. I will from this day forward have to take another’s preferences, needs and wishes into account as well as considering my own. That will at times be inconvenient and frustrating.

Upside:  I will have a friend to accompany me through life. I will not be limited to my own perspective. In the process of making our relationship big enough for two, I will grow in self-knowledge and in my understanding of my mate. I will learn that my perspective even if well thought out is often limited and not the whole truth. I will see the world through new eyes.

Downside:   I will have to bend and stretch, give and take and lead and follow. I will not be able to control my mate.

Upside:  I will grow. I will learn self-control. I will learn that love involves freedom. I will empower my mate to be all they can be as I strive to be all I can be.

Downside:  I can’t pretend I’m perfect or that you’re perfect. I can’t pretend ‘I’m all good’ and ‘you’re all bad’ or vice versa. Living up close and personal will expose us to each other’s immature sides- our quirks, our faults, our shortcomings, and our immaturities.

Upside:   I can learn to love an imperfect, unfinished human being. I can learn to trust a love that really knows me warts and all. I don’t have to live in fear of abandonment. I can learn to turn towards another rather than against them or distance from them when things are difficult.

Commitment transforms both the person making the promise and the person receiving the promise?

If you are ready for growth, companionship and a deeper understanding of yourself and the person you love, perhaps you need to take a closer look at commitment.

Until our next Conscious Lover’s Blog…

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